beatings of my heart

"fill your page with the beatings of your heart" --william wordsworth

1.26.2005

just one day

Isn't it amazing how much can happen in just one day? So much life gets packed into a simple stretch of 24 hours, and then it's over and the next day begins.

My days are full of "chance" meetings that are really not chance at all. So many people get sent my way, or I get sent their way. I've earned a reputation for being a good listener, so I find myself listening to so many things from so many people. It's hard to keep it all in, hard to remember what has been told me in utmost secrecy, hard to listen to so many people express their feelings when I can't find the words to express mine.

Why do I have such a hard time telling people my inmost thoughts? Why, if I can't tell people, do they cause such turmoil within me? Why do my simple meetings and talks with people so often keep me up into the night, wrestling with prayers, tears, and so many thoughts?

Why can't I just live my life one day at a time, the way it's supposed to be?

1.14.2005

the sweetest ache

a glimpse
that's all it takes
my mind begins to reel

what should i do?
what should i say?
and just like that you're gone

left with nothing
but what could have been
my heart feels like a stone

your familiar back
fades to the distance
again i feel that sweetest ache

ache of hoping
ache of longing
ache of love that wants to be

the world goes foggy
one thing's clear
i want you here with me

life goes on
class is starting
but still i dream of what could be

the world around me
swallowed up
in that dear, familiar, sweetest ache